Let's talk about Denver

Tales of the City: Denver Colorado, July 2000-April 2001.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Epilogue.

See what happened before this.

I made it back home safely but quickly realized that since I had come out, the small town of Lake Worth wasn't the place for me. I decided to move down to Austin where my adventures continued, but I did get to see Luke a few more times.

The first was shortly after I had met Ralph. A boyfriend that was very controlling, manipulative and evil. He forbid me to see Luke, but I did. It was painful and therapeutic at the same time. I realized that after months apart I could finally let go of him and although I believed that he was the greatest love I'd ever had, that time apart had shown me loves that I had never know.

We continued a friendship over the years, a very strong friendship. He still has that part of my heart that no one can touch. He'll always be the boy who pulled me out of the closest, the one who I gave a fake name to, the person that showed me what love really meant(even if it doesn't come in the form we want it to).

Almost ten years to the date. He has just moved to Austin. He was right, we'd be in the same city again, it just took a little while. I'm in a loving relationship with a husband I care for deeply and I finally get my bestfriend back. Age has shown us many things and I think one of them is apprecation for the bond that we have. It's a great love story and I hope that I did it justice. Things as adults(as I like to call it) are different now, we are friends, true friends. The 10 years that have passed have proven that. For me now, our love for each other goes beyond being in a romantic relationship, there's almost a brotherly bond amongst now. We have gone through so much in the last 10 years, so much stuff apart from each other but the one true thing that stayed constant in both of our lives, was the bond we shared. It never faded but grew stronger over the years. He's my bestfriend, the first boy who gave me a rose, and he will always be one of the greatest people in my life. The thing is, the story doesn't end here.

As I'm finishing writing down what happened before, I've realized that what happened 10 years ago, was truly only the beginning. We have a whole life ahead of us. There are more adventures to come, more Tales to tell. Life is a magical thing. Just when you think you've closed one chapter, you realize that there are still a few more pages left that you haven't discovered yet.


THE END

February 2005-March 2011

Fourteen.

See what happened before this

He had an away message up. I remember that. I remember thinking that if there was any reason for me to stay, than him being online would be a sign. But no he was away. I picked the phone up and called the airline, I needed a plane ticket, a one way plane ticket. I was leaving.

I'm leaving Denver.

Is what I put up once I made the decision. He wasn't online like I wanted him to be. No this was a sign for me to leave. At this point all of my friends had left, Shawnda had come back home, Ajay had left several months before and the MB and I were very estranged. This world that I was living in was not the Denver that I thought it would be. Things had gotten so twisted out of context. I knew that things couldn't be like this anymore for me. My path did not lead down this direction. I loved Luke but it wasn't enough to get me to stay. Plus I felt that I would never have him.

Something happened to him in the shower, some sort of epiphany. Something that I will never know, but I do know that he had a realization. He finally realized what I had been wanting an answer to. He realized that he did want me.

The fact was that it was too late. My mind was made up, my ticket was purchase and I was leaving in 2 weeks. He was a few minutes too late.

The next 2 weeks seemed like an eternity. Packing my life up again, heading back home to a place that I was trying to escape and here I was, trying to escape Denver. The snow drove me insane, the people drove me insane and the drama drove me really insane.

So I packed my life up once more and had most of it shipped back home. The day had finally come for me to leave, so there Luke, some friends and I were at the airport. It was like a scene from a movie. The time had come for me to say good bye to this life, a life that I have long since forgotten.

Before I got on the plane, I remember hugging him. Holding him, crying and wishing that things could be different. And I remember him telling me that one day, one day things would be different. One day we would be in each other's lives again. One day things would be different. One day, we'd be on the same path. One day I wouldn't get his instant message a few minutes too late. Although, I didn't believe that this was true, I believed in him. I held him close, for what I thought would be the last time and I said good bye. I said good bye to the person that I loved more than the world, and I took a leap. I came back home and started over.

Thirteen.

See what happened before this.

"Santi, it's over", It was Luke, my heart dropped to the floor. FINALLY! I listened to him talk about the break up but in the back of my head I felt relief. A relief that Trevor my sole road block was finally out of the picture. We talked about it all the way to work. At this point we were now driving to work together. If I didn't know what a twisted relationship/friendship was then boy I do know.

I wanted to talk to him about us, about how I wanted to be with him. How I loved him very much, how I have never loved anyone this much. I was young then but for some reason I knew what love was. This feeling I had for him was strong, it was intense and it only got an ease when he was around. I don't know if it was become he became some kind of comfort blanket for me but everytime I was around him I felt safe. I always felt safe. I wanted him to know about the place in my heart that I had reserved for him, a place that no one would ever be able to touch for the years to come but I sat there quietly as he talked about Trevor and I listened.

Once, the intial shock for him began to fade and he realized that him and Trevor were over, we began to get really close. So close in fact that I decided to have a talk to him about us. About how I wanted to be with him. I to this day, don't remember what was said in the conversation but only that I got a point across of, you could always get to know someone before dating them and realize how much you really do love them.

The truth is, he wasn't and that neither was I. We were both young. Neither of us were ready for anything that could possibly happen. The pain was becoming so great for me. So great that i had to do something drastic about it and I did.

Twelve.

See what happened before this.

Things with Travis, like things with school were soon getting out of control. After our first date and me deciding not to go school, I decided that it would be a good idea just not to go anymore. I wasn't getting much of an education and everything that I was learning was coming from this new life that I was living.

Like I said, things with Travis were soon getting out control. Luke's friend Tony really liked Travis, yet here I was dating him. I really liked Luke but here he was dating Trevor. And there was Trevor making all of our lives a living hell. He knew how everyone felt and began to play on the insecurities that were surely in the back of everyone's mind.

In the short period that Travis and I dated he did a complete 360 on me and I knew that Trevor must be behind it. He had to be, he was my arch nemesis. Looking back I feel bad for my friends outside of this drama. They had to deal with it and listen to us talk about it. They had to work with us and Luke and I were turning out to be pretty good friends. The attraction was there, atleast for me but a common bond that would carry on many years later was beginning to form.

Travis and I quickly ended things and it did not end pretty. He was a pretty big asshole about it. So what did I do? I did what I had learned, I got on the internet and met another boy. Matt, was his name. The night he came over to a party we were having(cause we were always having parties), he had this smiley face dyed into the back of his. It was hideous. But I was insecure, I was lonely and I just wanted someone, no I wanted Luke but that wasn't happening so Matt would do for the night.

This pattern continued for a short time until, I got tired of living a life filled with chaos. Denver was turning into a place that I didn't to live in anymore. I was drinking and partying all the time, the man I loved was with someone else and he I was lonely. Something had to change for me, something had to change soon.