Thirteen.

See what happened before this.

"Santi, it's over", It was Luke, my heart dropped to the floor. FINALLY! I listened to him talk about the break up but in the back of my head I felt relief. A relief that Trevor my sole road block was finally out of the picture. We talked about it all the way to work. At this point we were now driving to work together. If I didn't know what a twisted relationship/friendship was then boy I do know.

I wanted to talk to him about us, about how I wanted to be with him. How I loved him very much, how I have never loved anyone this much. I was young then but for some reason I knew what love was. This feeling I had for him was strong, it was intense and it only got an ease when he was around. I don't know if it was become he became some kind of comfort blanket for me but everytime I was around him I felt safe. I always felt safe. I wanted him to know about the place in my heart that I had reserved for him, a place that no one would ever be able to touch for the years to come but I sat there quietly as he talked about Trevor and I listened.

Once, the intial shock for him began to fade and he realized that him and Trevor were over, we began to get really close. So close in fact that I decided to have a talk to him about us. About how I wanted to be with him. I to this day, don't remember what was said in the conversation but only that I got a point across of, you could always get to know someone before dating them and realize how much you really do love them.

The truth is, he wasn't and that neither was I. We were both young. Neither of us were ready for anything that could possibly happen. The pain was becoming so great for me. So great that i had to do something drastic about it and I did.