Ten.

See what happened before this.

The next few weeks were pretty agonizing. I didn't know what to do or expect and then one night after some heaving drinking, I was talking to Shawnda while a party was going on around us and she looked at me and said, "How come with your straight friends your bi but when your gay friends are around your gay?"

Before that question came up, Luke and I had decided to become friends. It was something that he felt I needed at this time, and he wanted me in his life but felt that he couldn't be there for me as my boyfriend but better yet as a friend. I believed him, and shortly after that discussion he introduced me to his new boyfriend, Trevor. The devil, satan, evil reborn. It wasn't that I hated him because he was now dating my ex boyfriend but because he was pure evil. I hated him because Luke couldn't see how evil he was, or chose to ignore it. Luke also introduced me to Vytoria Mkyels, my friend drag queen friend. She was fun, and a very hot mess. I loved her. She talked to me like I was her child, calling me names like baby and sweetie, and darling. It was all so very new for me.

So after Shawnda posed the question to me, my response was "I don't know. I just don't know"

She looked at me as if I knew the answer and finally just asked me, "So are you gay?"

"Yes, I think I am", I responded. There it was the weight I had been carrying for years finally coming out. I may have been drunk, but that moment has always stuck with me.

The next I woke up, half hung over and half relieved that I had finally told another person about my true sexuality and my coming out process started. I immediately called my father and told him. His response was that he knew, he's always known because I was nothing like my brothers. Well that was alot easier than I thought. Then he told me that he would love me no matter what and he didn't care if I was gay, he didn't understand it but he didn't care. My mother was another story, she didn't want me to tell anyone else about my sexuality. You see I had an older sister who was a lesbian, and was very close to an aunt who was also a lesbian shortly before I had moved to Denver, had passed away from a disease that would later come back and affect me.

I remember calling Luke with my new revelation and he was excited for me but that didn't change the fact that he didn't want to be with me. He wanted to be with Trevor, I felt heartbroken again. How could he do this to me? How could he not love me for being the person, I thought he wanted me to be.

I hung the phone up an called Brian.